Shay Sheridan

Football RPS for Super Bowl 2007, involving Peyton Manning, Eli Manning and Rex Grossman.

Shocking perversion of the noble sport of football ahead. Also incest. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: Really, folks, this is entirely the fabric of my twisted imagination. I have been assured that Peyton Manning is really a nice guy, and I have no reason to believe Rex Grossman is any more of a crybaby than the press reports. As for Peyton's relationship with Eli, well – it's not like there's any

Grossman's Manning's bitch.

Insults are a given in pro locker rooms; mostly it's just testosterone-fueled posturing, and this one is, too. Someone in the Colts locker room starts it, the moment they find out they'll be playing the Bears in the Super Bowl, and instantly it starts making its way through the team. Nobody's exactly sure who it was who said it first, either Moorehead or Harrison – somebody with more mouth than brains, anyway – but still, it's fucking funny, no matter who came up with it. It gets hoots of laughter as they pass it on.

The comment passes from one sweaty, muscle-bound guy to the other, all of them euphoric from their own win, until Sorgi, the back up QB (who follows Manning around like a fucking puppy, probably hoping he'll bust a leg or something) turns and smiles that "hey, can I hang out with the cool kids?" submissive grin, and repeats, "Hey, Peyton! Grossman's your bitch, yo!" and Manning deigns to grin back even though by now the joke is old. He slams his locker shut and laughs along with the rest of them, because the comment really is so right, the kind of thing that needs to be said, and will sound great shouted out by a stadium full of Colts fans whenever Rex Grossman gets ready to throw a pass.

Peyton Manning's pretty sure he can get every Colts fan in Dolphins stadium to shout it out, Rex is Peyton's bitch! by halftime on February 4th, just like he's sure that by the end of the half he'll have MVP sewn up.

If you ask Peyton Manning, Grossman's just been lucky this season. A lot of reporters have asked him that question; he's always confident but polite when he responds. He doesn't say what he really thinks of Rex Grossman, that he's a damn crybaby, always complaining like Rodney Dangerfield that he gets no respect.

And why should he get respect? He's not "NFL Royalty," or "One of the Game's Greats," as Peyton Manning's been anointed. All Grossman's got is a goddamn website, with a stupid theme song, no less, with some jerk-off calling him "Sexy Rexy." As if.

He's not even Peyton's type, with that baby face of his.

Still, he'd make an exception. It'd be amusing to get Grossman alone some time, back the guy into a locker, pull down his pants and bend him over a bench, slap his ass and bareback the Bear 'back.

Peyton laughs silently at his own joke. He zips up his jacket and heads out to the parking lot.

Funny thing, Peyton thinks, as he slides behind the wheel of his blue and white sports car and snaps on the sports report, he doesn't need Grossman to be his bitch.

He's already got Eli.

He guns the engine. Yeah, little brother Eli makes a damn fine bitch. Better at that than he is at being a quarterback. Peyton smirks. Well, the Giants always did suck.

And Eli is good at sucking. Peyton knows this first hand. Sure, the little mama's boy cried the first time Peyton made him suck his dick – he was only twelve, and Peyton had already pummeled him good and twisted his arm behind his back, so there were tears, sure, and the kid wasn't any good at it. He kept choking, and he even tried to bite Peyton's dick, but a serious tug at Eli's hair made him stop that shit right away. In time he got better at it; by the time Eli was ready for Ole Miss, he could suck a football through a garden hose.

Peyton doesn't have to force his brother any more. Nope; it took a while, but Eli's with the program now. He's even learned to like it, or at least pretend he does – either way works for Peyton. It's kind of touching, the way he gets himself ready for Peyton now when they get together, all lubed up and ready to go, ready for Peyton to shove a good one into his end zone – that means the kid likes it, doesn't it? Sure it does. And Peyton's not mean to him. He loves the guy. He makes sure it's good for his brother; he makes sure that Eli comes, too. Though not before Peyton tells him he can.

Maybe he'll swing by Eli's hotel room when he they get to Miami. Because his kid brother's reserved a room in South Beach, and is coming down alone, just like Peyton told him to do. He's a good kid, Eli. Very cooperative.

Peyton swings his car onto the interstate. Miami'll be fun, not a big bore like Indianapolis. It's a party town, and Peyton Manning knows how to party. He can hardly wait for the party to begin, once he and the Colts have finished beating the living shit out of the Bears.

He'll get Grossman to come over to Eli's room, too. After the game. Grossman'll be a bit busted up, because Peyton's paid Raheem Brock to hurt him – not too much, just some painful bruises – but he'll find a way to make him come over. A nice, not too arrogant gesture of camaraderie, winning quarterback to losing one, might get the crybaby to join him. Just for a quick drink, he'll say, for a little chat, QB to QB…to QB, he thinks with a snort. Sure! I'll tell him that, make him laugh, because Eli's here, too. Come up and say hi to my kid brother – he's a real fan of yours, Rex. Sure Grossman'll go for it. Who wouldn't?

And then, when he gets him into the hotel room, he and Eli'll take turns. Yeah, a threesome, with Grossman in the middle. "Double coverage," heh. Give Eli a chance to be on top – the kid'll like it. Let Grossman suck Eli off, while Peyton's giving him one between the goal posts.

Yeah. That oughta get "Sexy Rexy's" backfield in motion, heh.

He reaches down with the hand not on the wheel and rubs his dick, which is starting to react favorably to the plan. Oh, yeah. It'll be fun. Quarter-barebacking the Bear 'back. Oh yeah. Fucking genius.

Peyton Manning drives down the highway in his Colts-colored sports car, content with the knowledge that he is Master of His Universe. What was it the Chicago Sun Times said? Oh yeah – "Peyton Manning, bona fide football royalty and an NFL legacy, has left the national media swooning in the wake of his greatness."

Of course he has it memorized.

Who wouldn't?

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