Pretense
Shay Sheridan
For the "Voyeur" challenge
She knows
she’s supposed to pretend the two of them never met; she’s
been pretending since Ray, her brother Ray, that is, went
away, and even though she has to bite her lip sometimes to
keep from spilling what she knows, she’s good at pretending.
She always has been. She pretended she’d been with a
girlfriend when she’d actually been in bed with Gino, and
nobody ever had a clue. And when she was supposed to pretend
that Ray, not her brother Ray, really was her brother Ray, she
pretended he was. She actually felt like he was. She’s good at
pretending.
Of course, she also pretends Fraser is
interested in her, though down deep she knows it’s a lie. It’s
getting harder to pretend that.
But now she’s watching
the two of them go at it, her brother Ray and not her brother
Ray, and their voices are getting louder, their faces more
flushed, and though she knows that Ray, her brother Ray, is
still doing that macho mob boss attitude crap he’s been doing
since he came back -- which she hates, by the way -- she can
tell by his voice and the tendons in his neck how tightly
wrapped he actually is, like any minute he’s gonna pull out a
knife or a gun or use words to kill the other Ray. And the
other one, her pretend brother, well he’s pretty near
incapable of speech; he looks like he’s about to crack into a
million pieces, in fact she thinks she can hear the cracking,
hear him breaking up, and when he goes there’s going to be an
explosion that will take her brother with him, and maybe some
other people as well, because things are complicated now,
Ray's not himself, he's nobody, and Ray her brother isn't who
he was.
She watches from the doorway, sees how they
circle each other, hears how their voices strain, senses the
shockwaves from the coming earthquake, and then clenches her
own fists as the papers go flying and her brother coils and
pounces and the man who’s played her brother tightens his
muscles and explodes into violence. It’s her cue, her cue to
break it up before things get done, things get said, secrets
get revealed, pretenses get shattered.
“Work, work!”
She commands; they back off. She steps away, still
listening as each goes to his corner. There’s testosterone in
the air, but there’s more; there’s electricity. And though the
two men are now quiet, trying to act friendly, trying to
accept the hands fate has dealt them, the air still crackles
between them. She’s felt it, seen it before, back when the Ray
who is her brother and the Ray who wasn’t yet her brother
would meet to grope each other furtively in the basement when
Ma wasn’t there and neither knew that a little sister was
watching from the stairs, listening breathlessly, touching
herself, as the two teenage boys pawed and sucked each other
to completion. They never knew, not Ray or the other Ray, and
all these years she’s pretended she never saw
anything.
But she sees it now. She sees what’s still
there, and she sees the hopeless look in both Rays’ eyes.
redchance @ aol.com
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